I Forgot I Was Pretty

I needed a new head shot, my last one went back to 2014.  So, I ran over to Christine’s on a sunny evening when I was having a good hair day. 

It started out pretty typical, the way most photoshoots would go. We wandered through the yard, stand here, turn this way, chin down…click, click, click.  Any time I spend with Christine is time well spent plus the weather was perfect.  Hannah tagged along and played with Nugget and Slipper while we tried to catch the last of the day’s light and swatted bugs away to no avail.

And then later that night she sent me a couple sneak peeks. My first reaction was, what a head tilt!! And then I started to cry.  Guys, I forgot I was pretty.  Seeing myself through the lens of a friend stopped my in my tracks.  Yes, the pretty light helped.  But, dang, guys, I forgot I was pretty.

I’ve been wrapped up in numbers on the scale.  I’ve been wrapped up in how my pants fit.  I’ve been wrapped up in the latest wrinkle.  I’ve been looking at myself through a critical filter.  And I failed to truly look in the mirror to see the face looking back at me.

I’m 42.  I have lived my life.  I have felt the sunshine on my face.  My body grew two healthy, beautiful babies and feed them for months afterwards.  This body has carried me through a few half marathons and many, many miles along the roads and trails in this county and beyond.  This body houses my creative talents and the gifts I am blessed with.  These hands have turned trash into treasures.  But I forgot I was pretty.

I forgot how my light hair makes my blue eyes pop.  I forgot how my smile makes my face shine.  Those wrinkles you see when I smile are because I have smiled and laughed so often that they are always there now.  I forgot that just a little colour on my lips and heels on my feet make me stand taller, stand a little more confidently.  I forgot I was pretty.

How did this happen?  Where along the way did I became so hard on myself? Why did I forgot I was pretty?  And more importantly, did my girls see that change?  Have I been openly critical? Did they hear me voice anything negative?  Being a kid is hard enough but if I am modeling a negative self-image, and they’ve picked up on that, then I have to fix that.  I don’t want them looking at themselves through critical eyes.  I want them to see how beautiful they are, how much they have to offer to the world through their abilities, through their personalities and their humour.  I want them to see the positive things in themselves and be able to help their friends see that in themselves, too.  I want them to go forth into this world and shine brightly.  But, that means it starts with me.

So, I will stand tall, I will smile big and I will be the role model they need me to be.  I will watch my words, my actions, my posture and be the mom they need me to be.

Plus, by times, I can even be kinda fun 😉

Ladies, look in the mirror, REALLY look at yourself and see the beauty you present to the world.  Don’t be like me, don’t forget YOU are pretty, too!

To be continued,

Lori

PS These are some of the quick edits that Christine of Harrier Hill  and Wonkyeye Photography sent me, more photos to come when the session gets properly edited!!  And a special Thank You to Christine for all you do! xo